Thank You and I'm Sorry
sooo. we've got bathroom, help, wait, and okay in our pocket now. today we're adding two signs that do more social work than almost anything else in the language: thank you and i'm sorry.
these two get used constantly, way more than people expect. you drop something and someone picks it up. you bump a cart at costco. someone holds a door. you need to interrupt a conversation for a second. thank you and i'm sorry cover an enormous amount of daily ground, and they're both physically simple. that's the good news.
thank you
flat hand, fingers together, touch your chin or lips with your fingertips, then move your hand forward and down toward the person you're thanking. think of it like blowing a little kiss of gratitude out of your mouth toward them.
a few things that trip people up:
- it starts at the chin/mouth, not out in front of your chest. i see people just wave a flat hand around in the air and it doesn't read as anything.
- the motion goes outward and slightly down. you're not just tapping your chin and stopping.
- your face should be doing something here too. a little smile, a nod. flat face plus this sign just looks like you're bored.
i'm sorry
make an "a" handshape — fist with your thumb sticking out along the side, not tucked in — and rub it in a small circle on your chest, over your heart-ish area.
this one's forgiving. the handshape's simple, the motion's simple. the thing that actually carries the meaning is your face. eyebrows down a little, maybe a slight frown or wince. i've said this before and i'll keep saying it: your face is grammar in this language. it's not decoration on top of the sign. it's part of the sentence. a flat, neutral face while you sign i'm sorry reads as sarcastic, or at best confused. try it in the mirror both ways and you'll feel the difference immediately.
practice at home
here's what i'd actually do this week:
- do both signs slow, ten times each, in front of a mirror. slow first. always slow first.
- add the face on purpose, even if it feels dumb. exaggerate it bigger than feels natural — you can dial it back later, but most beginners undersell the face completely.
- use thank you for real, out loud in your life, this week. say thank you to the barista or your kid or whoever, and sign it at the same time. you don't need a deaf person in the room for this rep to count. you're building the muscle memory.
- same with i'm sorry — if you bump into someone at the grocery store or step on the dog's tail, sign it along with saying it.
holland caught me on a sign once, and it's stuck with me for years now. she was six, we're at breakfast, and i sign "milk" wrong — some little detail off in the handshape — and she puts her hands on her hips like a tiny disappointed adult and corrects me. she was right. i was wrong. she was six and I'd been "doing this class thing" for months already at that point.
i tell that story because kids pick this up embarrassingly fast, way faster than adults, and adults have this thing where being corrected feels like a little failure. it's not. get used to being wrong in front of people who know more than you, even if "more than you" means a six year old at the breakfast table. that's basically the whole class in one sentence.
a word of caution, not a big one
nothing dangerous here, obviously — just a reading-the-room note. i'm sorry with a big exaggerated frown to a stranger who bumped into YOU can come across a little much, like you're performing regret at them. save the bigger face for genuine situations. small bump, small sorry.
before next time
practice both signs enough that you don't have to think about the handshape, just the moment. next time we're doing please and yes/no, and then we start stringing these into actual little exchanges.
~terry