Writing About the Day That Stiffed You
Okay. How are you doing this week, actually? I mean it. Not the version you'd give someone at church.
We already talked about the rant that clears your head, back a couple lessons. This one's a cousin of that, but more specific. This is about the day that owes you something and didn't pay up.
You know the day I mean. The one where the guy at the point of the mountain merge did the thing he does, and then your kid's school called, and then you got home and the dishwasher was making that sound again. Nothing catastrophic happened. Nobody died. But the day took something from you and never gave it back, and you're still carrying it around at 9pm wondering why your jaw hurts.
That's what we're writing tonight.
Why this one's different from a plain rant
A regular rant, for me, is just getting the noise out. Head empty, hand moving, don't care what lands on the page.
The day-that-stiffed-you entry is a little more pointed. You're naming the thing. What actually happened, what you expected to happen instead, and where the gap is. It's not fancier writing. It's just aimed at something specific instead of everything at once.
I'll be honest, I didn't always let myself do this. My first real try at morning pages, I filled two pages complaining about a coworker at Balefire who'd stiffed me on a table split, and I felt so guilty about it after that I tore the pages out. Like the notebook was going to tattle on me.
I don't do that anymore. Opinion, stated plainly: complaining onto paper counts. It's not less valuable than a gratitude list. Some days getting the bad thoughts out of your skull so you can function is the whole win. You don't need a silver lining stapled to the end of it.
How to actually do this at home
Here's what works for me, and you can bend it however you need.
1. Name the day in one line. Not "bad day." Something like "Tuesday, the day the contractor didn't show and I sat around for nothing." Specific. Gives the entry a spine.
2. Write what you expected. This is the part people skip. You're not just mad, you're mad because you were owed something — an apology, a phone call back, five minutes of somebody's attention — and you didn't get it. Write down what you thought was supposed to happen.
3. Write what actually happened. Plain, in order, no need to make it sound good. This is where the tearing-out temptation shows up, if you're anything like me. Let it stay ugly. Nobody's reading this but you.
4. Let yourself be unfair for a sentence or two. You're allowed one sentence that's not entirely fair to the other person. That's not me telling you to hold a grudge. It's just that pretending you're being perfectly balanced while you're still stiffed and steaming usually makes the entry fake, and fake entries don't help anybody.
5. Stop when it's out, not when it's resolved. You don't have to land the plane. Some days you write three sentences and you're done. Some days it's a page and a half. There's no required ending where you forgive the guy at the point of the mountain. You can just stop.
One real caution here, not a big one, just practical: if you notice this kind of entry is turning into rehearsing an argument you're planning to have with an actual person tomorrow, that's worth noticing. Writing it out is different from scripting a fight. If you catch yourself doing the second one, it might be worth setting the notebook down and taking a walk instead. Up the canyon if you've got the time, even ten minutes in the flat light does something.
A quick story on why this is worth doing
I talked a friend from the ward into trying gratitude lists during a hard stretch a while back. She wasn't sold. A few days in she texted me, "this is stupid, but I feel better."
That text is the best review I've ever gotten, and I think about it a lot, including for this kind of entry. She didn't think it was going to work. She didn't want to admit it worked. It worked anyway.
Same thing here. You don't have to believe writing about the stiffing day is going to help before you do it. Write it because you're annoyed and see what's left after.
Try it now
Pick a day from this week, or today if it's fresh, that owed you something and didn't pay. Give yourself five to seven minutes. Name the day, what you expected, what happened, and stop whenever it's out. Spelling doesn't matter. Mine's a disaster half the time too 😊
If anyone wants to read a line out loud after, heck yes, I'd love to hear it. Nobody has to.
Before next time: if a day stiffs you this week, try catching it same-day instead of waiting. See if it changes anything to write it while you're still annoyed instead of after you've cooled off.